Ten reasons it isn't always easy being married to a Geek - Revised

1. NERDS ABOUND. You will never ever miss another episode, movie, museum or function relating to Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, or other such geek fests. The references alone to such nerdities will kill you. I don't care about Cling-ons, Tantoieen, and have been dubbed by Steve and his friends as "Ring Hater." It should be against the law.
2. MEMORY. Our minds are complete and utter LINT TRAPS. Not steel traps, LINT TRAPS. We capture all kinds of useless crap and store it up there. I can remember all the characters in a book he read when he was 8 years old but he can only remember 2 of the 3 things he was supposed to get at the grocery store. I can remember the date of Nolan Ryan's no hitter, but I can't remember our anniversary. I remember every battle of WWII, but can't remember what I gave you for a wedding present.
3. VOCABULARY. Let me call this the Dictionary Effect. He can't use normal words that the rest of us use. He says he's going to ping somebody. In my mind that means he's going to throw things at them while they sit at the lunch table. For some freakish reason that means he's going to contact them. He thinks he's a freakin' computer because sometimes he has to "let processes run in the background" for the rest of us, that means, let me try and recall......He queues up the dishwasher. For you and me, that's the time delay button while I get in the shower. I just don't even want to tell you how he uses and abuses vocabulary. If he meets someone he doesn't like, they "have a bad UI." To you and me, they were an obnoxious jackass with Asperger's.
4. BAD, BAD CLOTHING CHOICES. Fashion King he is not. Nor are the rest of the geeks. Last week he tried to get me to buy him a track suit that I swear I saw Al Davis wearing.
5. COMPUTERS ARE SEXY. You will never be sexier than a computer. They will even refer to software and hardware as SEXY. Microsoft's Avalon techonolgy is what they deem sexy. Dress in your sexiest outfit while he's on the computer and his eyes never leave the screen.
6. FREAKISHLY STRONG FINGERS. I refer to his index finger as his mouse clicker. He has freakishly strong fingers. As an oldest child he developed torture techniques for his siblings, namely by pressing with his finger right into the center of your chest. He calls this the Finger of Death. It hurts like hell. Add freakishly strong fingers to that and you have a pierced sternum. Try prying just one finger off something he's not supposed to have and it takes two hands.
7. OH GOD DID I MENTION STAR WARS, STAR TREK, AND LORD OF THE RINGS?